This Feeling
by Alacquiene
Summary: Aqua was his apprentice. He had known her since she was a little girl. He should be seeing her the way a father would see his daughter – with a proud, protective kind of love. But that was no longer the case. He hadn't realized it until it was beyond his control. And it was getting so difficult to deny it. OneShot / TerraAquaEraqus


Set in the Land of Departure.

 **Important Note**  
If you did not see this in the summary, let me reiterate.  
The two pairings in this story are **TerraAqua** and **EraqusAqua**.  
If you dislike either of those pairings, this story is probably not for you.

If you are wondering why the latter pairing, I remember someone once asked if I could ever manage writing an EraqusAqua story.  
Well. Apparently, yes. Yes, I can. Hahaha!  
If you do decide to go ahead and read this story despite not being an EraqusAqua fan, I can promise you that nothing in this story is particularly stomach-twisting.  
I'll also be honest and say that I'm not into the pairing much either.  
This is one of only two stories I ever attempted to write about them and neither one was easy for me to do.

Anyway, just one last thing: it has been a while since I wrote anything so please be kind if you see any mistakes.

Thank you.  
And I hope you enjoy the story.

 **DISCLAIMER** [I do not own Kingdom Hearts] **DISCLAIMER**

* * *

 **THIS FEELING**

Is it so wrong?

* * *

"I should never have told you," Aqua said, her face in her hands.

Terra laughed beside her. "Sorry, Aqua, but how did you think I was going to react? Seriously! You had a… _thing_ for the Master?"

Aqua groaned softly. "It was a very long time ago, all right? Maybe I was… confused."

"No matter what you say, it's never going to make sense!" Terra grinned teasingly.

"Come on, Terra, I was so young then," she said. "I was only fifteen."

"How is that supposed to make it better? Master Eraqus was more than twice your age then!"

"I wasn't thinking about age!"

"Oh? Just what were you thinking about then, huh?"

"I don't know, all right? Besides, if we had a female Master instead, it could just as easily have happened to you. It isn't that farfetched. It could happen to anyone," she insisted. "Students become attracted to their teachers for a number of reasons, and – "

"Wait!" Terra raised his hands up, still grinning. "Don't tell me you researched on this?"

Aqua felt her face flush. "Well, I… I may have read on it a little…"

Terra's laughter was so loud this time that the Master – who had been training on the grounds below – paused to look up at them questioningly. Aqua nudged Terra and the two of them nodded apologetically down at their Master. Eraqus went back to his exercises, turning his attention away from his two apprentices.

Aqua sighed. "Are you ever going to let this go?"

"Eventually, probably," Terra answered.

"I suppose eventually is better than never…" Aqua muttered.

"But, uh, Aqua… You don't feel that way anymore, right?" He was looking pointedly at Master Eraqus.

Aqua allowed a hint of a sneer to show on her smile, wanting to tease her friend right back. "Why, Terra? Would you be jealous? Threatened, even?"

Terra let out a snort but it did little to hide how flustered he felt. "Are you kidding?"

Aqua let her smile widen as she narrowed her eyes teasingly at him. "Are you blushing, Terra? If I didn't know any better, I'd say _you_ secretly have a thing for _me_ and you've just been teasing me because you're jealous of the Master!"

"What? No way!" he exclaimed. "No! Why would I ever _like_ you, Aqua?"

She raised her eyebrows a little.

"Wait, no, I didn't mean…" Terra stammered as his words came out in a rush. "I mean, you're… you're pretty. Pretty great, I mean, but I would never see you like a… more than a… Not that it's impossible! Or that I never, n-never thought about it. I have, I do sometimes, think about you like I… I mean, you – "

The smile faded slowly off of Aqua's lips. "Wait, what?" she said softly. "Terra, I was only joking…"

A stunned silence fell between the two of them.

Then Terra cleared his throat, forced out an awkward laugh. "I knew that. I was just playing along." He shrugged, though his cheeks were flushed. He was looking anywhere other than right at her. "I'm… I'm going to go find Ven. All this standing around is… it isn't good. I need a sparring match. Or something."

"Terra," Aqua tried to say but her friend had turned around.

"See you later, Aqua," he said, raising his hand up in a goodbye wave with his back to her.

Aqua, brows furrowed, leaned forward against the railing once more. "What… what just happened?" she asked herself, feeling utterly confused.

* * *

Eraqus paused at the end of his exercise routine to catch his breath. He casually glanced up at pathway along the mountainside, the one that ended with the stairwell leading down to where he was. Terra was no longer around but Aqua was still there, her elbows resting on the stone banister. She was looking straight ahead with an expression of such deep thought.

She seemed not to notice that her Master was looking at her and Eraqus had no desire to look away. The wind blew and tousled her hair, lifted the soft blue fabric of her skirt just a little, exposing her knees and her bare thighs. Eraqus felt his throat constrict. He turned quickly away from her and tried to clear his mind. He went through his paces again, pushing his body to move faster and stronger. He struggled to maintain his focus, to keep it right where it should be and not up there where Aqua stood.

Eraqus wanted to pretend that he had not felt an inexplicable heat at what he had just seen. He wanted to ignore the hammering of his heart, act as if it came from his physical exertion and not the thought of her being so close.

This was wrong. He knew that.

She was his apprentice. He had known her since she was a little girl. He should be seeing her the way a father would see his daughter – with a proud, protective kind of love. But that had not been the case as of late. He hadn't realized it until it was beyond his control. He was in love with… No! He couldn't be.

But it was getting so difficult to deny it.

Aqua had grown - a fact that Eraqus had become increasingly conscious of lately. She had matured and become independent. And he had come to rely on her more often than he cared to admit.

There were times when he left Ven's training in Magic in her capable hands while he focused on Terra. He counted on her to keep the two boys in check, especially when he was busy with other matters. He even gave her the responsibility of overseeing the management of the castle, such as covering their daily needs, the delegation of chores, and ensuring that both Terra and Ventus followed all the rules and kept to their schedules.

With Aqua around, he was able to shift his focus on other important matters; issues that only Masters were burdened with.

And he appreciated the little things as well. She always made sure that there were fresh flowers in every vase in the castle. She alone of his three apprentices would wait up for him to arrive when he went off-world on errands or missions. And whenever he pulled long nights in his office, exhausted down to his bones, she would come in before bedtime to bring him hot tea and some light sandwiches or pastries. She would ask if there was some way she could help.

Aqua was always so thoughtful and kind. She was there when his duties wore him out, always with a ready smile and unwavering faith. That had been enough to push him over the edge, to make him forget who he was and who she was and why all of this was wrong.

He had not even broached on the fact that Aqua was so… so beautiful.

Which she was, but that was not the basis for his feelings. It ran much deeper than that. He trusted her. When he spoke with her, he felt almost as if he were with an equal, someone who shared his beliefs and ideas. She listened not only to his teachings but to his musings as well, his thoughts. And she, in turn, trusted him. She confided in him in a way that Terra and Ventus never had. She loved him, wholeheartedly, in the proper way that any apprentice should love her Master. If only his feelings were the same.

Eraqus finished another set of his routine and paused again, breathing deeply. He willed himself not to look up at her. It would not help his focus at all to see her there again, watching him. The reason he had given them yet another day off – a mere four days after the last one – was because he needed to get his thoughts back in order.

He had made the mistake of deciding to spar with Aqua during yesterday's training while Terra sparred with Ventus. He noticed immediately that she had improved so much. Her movements, both offensive and defensive, had become surer and swifter than ever before. She gave it her all as she fought him and maybe that was why he did the same.

Eraqus had gotten lost in the glow of her skin, flushed with exertion, and in the glimmer of strength and determination in her ocean-blue eyes. She was far from strong enough to defeat him, however, and before he knew it he'd had her pinned against the stone wall of the training hall. Her Keyblade disappeared in a flurry of light as it was flung aside. His body was pressed close against hers, their breathing heavy.

It was her smile that broke him out of his reverie then. She looked so innocent and pure and completely oblivious to his inappropriate feelings. Their physical closeness did not affect her the way it did him. She saw it only as it was – that her Master was merely training her, sparring with her. But he was all too aware of where their bodies met.

He stepped away from her at once, ashamed and angry with himself.

"Marked improvement over the past month, Aqua," he heard himself say in a steady voice that did not match the turmoil he felt inside. "Well done."

Aqua bowed her head humbly. "Thank you, Master." Then, with a slightly more teasing tone of voice, "I will do better next time."

Eraqus returned her smile but said nothing. There must never be a next time.

He shut his eyes and banished the memory from his thoughts. He fought to control the shaking in his hands. He needed to get a hold of himself. In his mind, he kept repeating these same lines: Aqua was his apprentice. Aqua was like a daughter to him. He was _not_ in love with her.

Without meaning to, he turned his gaze upward again to where Aqua was. She was no longer there. And the sudden emptiness he felt, the unbidden rush of longing tinged with shame, forced him to accept a painful truth; he was lying to himself.

* * *

Terra had not gone to look for Ventus like he said he would.

He needed some time alone, to think about what he had just ended up telling Aqua. That was not how he wanted to confess his feelings! And just what was that awful attempt at covering it up? He was just playing along? Aqua must have thought him an idiot.

As foolish as he thought it was, though, he really did feel jealous of Master Eraqus. So what if it happened years ago and that it was just some crush? At some point, for some reason, Aqua had found their Master attractive. Terra knew it would not do to compare himself to the Master but he just could not help it. What did Aqua see in the Master that was not in Terra? Especially since Terra has spent the better part of his entire life emulating Master Eraqus.

He rubbed at the back of his neck, frustrated. He had been pacing around the gardens at the southern wing of the castle grounds for quite some time. He had lost track of how many minutes – or perhaps hours – it has been since he left Aqua with the Master.

Well, no, not _with_ the Master exactly. Why had his thoughts put the words together that way?

Terra tried to convince himself that he had absolutely no reason to feel jealous, and most definitely not threatened, by Master Eraqus. What Aqua felt was a fleeting crush. That was all. And besides, even if Aqua did still have feelings for their mentor – which she certainly no longer does – there was no way that the Master would ever reciprocate.

The one thing Terra was certain of was that he needed to fix this. He needed Aqua to understand. It was not a joke to him. It never was. He had to fix it now before she settled on believing that he had just been fooling around.

Having made up his mind, Terra – on a whim – decided to pick a few flowers. He knew Aqua would love them. He rehearsed what he would say in his mind as he went back into the castle. Apologies first, of course, because he _had_ been quite mean. And then he would explain. And she would understand.

Terra threaded his way along the castle halls at a brisk pace. So brisk, in fact, that he almost ran right into the Master when he reached the entrance hall.

He came to an abrupt halt.

"Terra," his Master greeted with a curt nod, looking curiously at him, perhaps puzzling over why he seemed to be rushing.

The apprentice bowed. "Good afternoon, Master Eraqus."

When he straightened up, he noticed that his Master's eyes had rested on the flowers in his hand. "What are you up to?" the Master asked. It was not accusatory, but Terra felt as nervous as if it were.

"I was…" He hesitated. Why the reluctance, though, was lost on him. It was not as if he was doing anything wrong. No harm would come from his being honest with the Master. "I was going to give these to Aqua."

The Master's brow furrowed, a reaction that Terra had not expected. He expected surprise, curiosity, disbelief even. Not this frowning, disapproving glower. "Why?" his Master asked.

Terra suddenly had a heavy feeling that he had said something wrong but it made no sense for him to feel that way. All the same, he no longer felt like being honest.

His grip tightened on the flowers and he turned his eyes away from his Master. "Nothing. No reason. I just thought she might like them." It was not entirely a lie, but not the entire truth either.

His Master did not buy it. "Do you think it wise to lie to me, Terra?"

Terra stiffened. "No!"

"Don't you think your time and effort – not to mention Aqua's – would be better spent on more productive pursuits? Can you really afford this type of… distraction?"

Terra was at a loss. Just what was his Master getting at?

"I would advise you to think carefully on what you hope to achieve with your actions," the Master said firmly, his tone low. "What do you intend to gain? And, more importantly, would you deserve it?"

Terra dared to look up at his Master and was shocked by the hard, coldness of his gaze. He opened his mouth to speak but found he did not know what to say.

"Think about it." The Master walked away.

* * *

Aqua walked into castle and was surprised to find Terra standing in the entrance hall. She thought he might still be at the grounds, sparring with Ventus. Maybe they hadn't gone sparring after all. She wondered briefly where their youngest companion was and what he had been up to all day.

Brushing aside those thoughts for now, she smiled at the eldest apprentice. "Terra, I'm surprised to see you here," she said. "Did you and Ven have that sparring match?"

Terra did not answer. In fact, it was almost as if he hadn't heard her at all. "Terra?" she asked, walking up to him.

It was only when she was right in front of him that he snapped back to the present. He seemed startled to see her. "H-hey, Aqua," he said.

She smiled kindly. "Listen, Terra, about – " She hesitated, noticing the flowers in his hand.

He did, too. "Oh, I, err. I noticed the flowers here have wilted."

"What? But I'd only just replaced them," Aqua said, turning around. The flower arrangements near the door were as fresh and beautiful as they were when she placed them there yesterday. She looked back at her friend and sighed. "They're nowhere near wilted, Terra."

"Err, my mistake I guess," Terra said awkwardly, his voice quiet.

"Well, no reason to let these go to waste," she said, holding her hand out for the flowers.

He slowly handed them to her. Aqua noticed his reluctance but decided not to point it out. She could tell that something was troubling him and she didn't want to call him on it. That might just make it worse. All she wanted to do was to apologize. She should not have teased him, regardless of how terribly he had made fun of her.

She walked up to the vases by the door and included the new flowers in the arrangement. She took her time, ensuring each stem and leaf and petal was in the right place, thinking Terra could use the extra minute to compose himself. When she turned back to face him, though, he still had that anxious expression.

"Hey, Terra," she said when she was right in front of him again, maintaining a calm tone of voice. "I am so sorry for teasing you. I should have let it go. We were only having fun, weren't we?"

There was a quick flicker of emotion in his eyes but it was gone before Aqua could catch what it was. "Yeah… We were just joking around."

"Come on," she said, taking his hand. "How about we go find Ven and have a snack? I just realized we haven't had anything to eat since lunch! I could make us some waffles. Would you like that?"

"Sure, Aqua. Anything you say."

* * *

Master Eraqus had not walked that far away before the guilt got to him. What has he done? It was callous and selfish of him to say those things to Terra. If anything, it was he himself who needed to think carefully about his actions, to consider what it was that he hoped to achieve. What could he have hoped to gain by telling Terra that he did not deserve Aqua?

And what right did he have?

In fact, Terra had more of a right to Aqua's affections that he ever should. It was not his place. It was cruel of him. He might have just caused irreparable emotional damage to his own apprentice. Knowing he had to set things right, he turned back around to find Terra.

He walked down the stairs and was just about to round the corner leading to the entrance hall when he heard their voices.

"Would you like that?" Aqua asked.

"Sure, Aqua. Anything you say," Terra answered. Eraqus could hear the uncertainty in his pupil's voice and his guilt dug deeper into his heart. He needed to make amends, and quickly.

His apprentices were heading down the opposite side of the hall. Neither one noticed him. He was just about to call out to them, ask if he might have a quick word with Terra, when Aqua spoke again.

"By the way, please don't tell Ventus. Okay?"

"About what?" Terra asked.

What Aqua said next were the most haunting words Eraqus will ever hear:

"My feelings for Master Eraqus."

* * *

 **END**

 **Thank You**

 _~Alacquiene~_


End file.
